Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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