I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
