you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
