just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
