Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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