but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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