My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
