Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
