and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
