You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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