I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
