it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
