So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
