Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize