Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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