ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
