you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
