just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
