you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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