Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
