if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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