Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
