i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
