Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
