you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
