They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize