i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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