My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize