HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
