Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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