he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
