His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize