Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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