Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You smell like stripper and shame
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
