I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
