Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
