In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize