Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
