I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
