Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
