When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
