i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize