SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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