I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
