the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize