I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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