It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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