I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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