At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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