no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
