sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
