Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
