FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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