Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
