if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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