you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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