Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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