i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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