Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My vagina is officially offended.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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