omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
