I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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