did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
