If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
